I’m not the person I thought I’d be. I can’t say I’m better than I dreamed I’d be, but I can’t say I’m worse, either. I’m just a different person.
Recently, people and events have made me question the person I’ve become. They’ve caused me to take a closer look at myself. I think I like me.
Am I flawed? Of course I am. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not perfect. Why can’t I be perfect? If true perfection cannot exist because we are all, indeed flawed, then whose to say that we aren’t all absolutely perfect in our own flawed way?
I don’t always like me. I struggle with self esteem issues. I struggle with loving myself or accepting the love of those who truly do love me. Why would anyone love me when those who I thought didn’t have a choice could not? But, love isn’t guaranteed, even the love of your own flesh and blood.
I’m learning to understand that’s not about me. That’s not about who I am. My father told me that I’m not successful like the rest of my family is. I wrote him a rather long reply about all the ways I am very successful. I guess that because of our struggles, we could not possibly know success.
What I see is a family who fell, hard. A family who reached for a loving hand and found there was no one around. A family who fought and clawed their way out, together. A family who is working hard towards the future. This is success. Are there still obstacles? Sure. But we have faith that we can overcome them, together.
I like the woman I’ve grown up to be. I’m kind and loving and welcoming. I’m shy and absolutely terrified of the world and new people, but my outgoing husband holds my hand and gets me through it. I have a marriage that might not always be perfect, but it’s always perfect for me. We’ve been through hard times together, and I know we’ve got each other’s backs through it all.
So, yeah, I think I kinda like me more than just a little bit. I think I like me a lot. I think I can be proud of the woman I’ve grown up to be. I have achieved my childhood dream of becoming an author. I have found love and romance and happiness. I have two really awesome kids who I am proud to call my own.
Yeah, I think I’ll keep me around…