Juggling is tougher than it looks…

I am going to have to postpone the giveaway. I had thought that the books were here in the house. My husband was certain he knew exactly where he had put them. It turns out that we were both wrong. He looked everywhere that he could think of. It turns out that the books are still in storage. He is going to get out there just as soon as he can. However, our storage garage has gate hours, and my husband does have to work. This means, it could be as late as next weekend before he can get out there. I do apologize for the delay.

On the other bad news front, I am doing absolutely terrible in my readathon. If this was a readathon in which I was getting paid per page or chapter or book, I would definitely be disappointed. I believe I have finished a total of two chapters in The Indian in the Cupboard. I am enjoying the story. It is full of nostalgia and adventure.

I have, once again, placed far too much on my plate. It seems like there is so much to get done, and there just isn’t enough time to do it in. Some deadlines are a month while others are by the end of the day. There is laundry and dinner and school to attend to. I want to ensure that there is time for myself. My time with my husband is limited during the day throughout the week, so I want to make certain that I take advantage of every moment we do have. Instead, I end up giving up and watching tv. It’s my worst addiction. Give me my Netflix and a pot of coffee, and I am absolutely covered for the next few hours.

This, of course, is not a good way to spend my time. I need to be accomplishing far more than I have been lately. I am tired at the end of the day. I am tired throughout the day. I am fighting to keep my eyes open, lacking the focus I need to complete some of the oh so simple tasks I have placed on my ever growing list. Which, by the way, I just added that hexagonal blanket to. It turns out that it isn’t the one I finished. For the giveaway, which I remind you has been delayed, I will instead be including my blanket I’ve named Not your Grandma’s granny square blanket. The pattern is similar to that of the log cabin afghan.

So, I’ve got projects galore that need to be completed. I have books I’d love to get around to reading. I’ve got a life I can’t seem to keep up with while dodging the avalanche falling around me. I’ve got a family to care for and a career I’m still trying to build and manage. I’ve got homeschool I never planned on teaching.

As a child, I tried to learn to juggle. I remember choosing different objects to juggle, knowing that the jugglers all chose items based on their weight. I was positive that I would find the perfect weight that I could manage. I tried balls, bean bags, and various other small objects. Whatever they were, I never did manage to keep them in the air. Over time, I became good enough to keep them off the floor. I always felt a sense of pride at this accomplishment. They didn’t fly wildly anymore. They didn’t land everywhere. I always managed to catch all three.

In life, I juggle a lot. Heck, show me a person who doesn’t. As children, we juggle school, home, chores, and play. When we grow up, we juggle bills and work with responsibilities, family, and friends. We throw in dating, then marriage mixed with children and pets. We add in our own desires and needs with those around us. We try to keep everyone happy and healthy. We take care of meals and shopping. We juggle. A lot.

As a child, I learned to keep those balls in my hands. They might not have all been in the air when they were supposed to be. Maybe I cheated and caught without release. It’s easier to control things when you hold tightly. As an adult, I still try to hold everything tightly,  gingerly tossing into the air things that don’t need my immediate focus. Problem is, I have only those two hands. The same two hands that could barely manage to keep three off the floor. Now, I’m juggling far more than three. I’m juggling countless things all at once. And, is my habit, I’m clinging tightly to every single one of them. I gingerly toss one little thing, but only so high as to not lose sight of it. I almost immediately snatch it back up again.

Even if it’s not in my hand at the moment, even if it’s not my primary point of focus, I cannot get it out of my mind. As I write this post to you, as I let my mind wander and list a few of those things for you, I have a dozen more still bouncing through my head. I’m planning dinner while remembering the conversation I need to have with my eldest child. I am thinking about the meals I want to make this week, I am thinking about the recipes I want to try in the near future. I am working through a few problems that I cannot figure the solution to while thinking of what chapters my daughter needs to do for school this upcoming week. I am fighting off the disappointment in the fact that I must postpone the giveaway. I am thinking about the books I want to read, the books I want to write, the blankets I want to crochet, and the tshirts I’d love to turn into pillows.

And when my brain is all over the place like this, how do I focus on the one thing that needs my main focus? How do I decide what that main thing is? I really don’t have the answer. But, I’m off to start crossing things off the list. Try to settle my thoughts, ease my mind. I promise I am not cancelling the giveaway. Please forgive me for the delay. Thank you all for your love and loyalty.


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