#BackToSchool First Day Jitters

I hope everyone had a wonderful 3 day weekend. We spent our weekend getting ready for back to school. Last minute shopping to pick up a few supplies we were still missing and some new clothes because it somehow feels good to have some new outfits for back to school.

Mostly it was a lot of snuggling and settling back to school nerves. It was a lot of “I don’t know why I’m nervous about the first day of school” alternating with an excited exclamation of # days left until school starts.

She’s in a new school, in a new district. She doesn’t know anyone. There aren’t any kids around our neighborhood. So she really doesn’t know anyone. It’s a totally fresh start. That’s pretty terrifying.

Here she is, dealing with the usual anticipation and anxiety that always comes with the first day of school. But she is also worrying about “what if no one wants to be my friend?” Her father and I spent much of the weekend assuring her that she’s a great kid and everyone would be lucky to be her friend.

We also reminded her that how she behaves at home and how she behaves at school will need to be different. She hasn’t spent a lot of time around kids since we had to pull her from public school.

All weekend long while comforting and assuring her my nerves were shot, too. I put her on the bus this morning with a smile plastered to my face. My stomach is in knots. I’m nervous and worried and fretting. I will be all day.

I came back inside. I did some dinner prep. Now, I’m talking to all of you. I’m trying to ignore my nerves. I’m trying to pretend that I’m not waiting for the phone to ring.

It’s not that I anticipate her having a bad day. It’s not that I expect things to not go well. But, she suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a panic disorder. In the past, the school has used this to push her into a meltdown only to punish her for melting down.

My son has Asperger’s, so we have not had any positive experiences with school. Both of our children have been physically abused by staff in the past. Our children have suffered at the hands of bullies and then been the ones punished and sent home. It’s hard to trust the school system. Even a new one.

So here I am, watching the clock tick by so slowly, waiting for the end of the day, waiting for my daughter to get off the bus. I feel nauseous. I feel nervous. I feel hopeful.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I just needed to get my nervousness out there. I needed to fret a little out loud.

To everyone who started back to school today, good luck! I hope all the kids have themselves a wonderful first day back.


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